November 2010
3 posts
And then I giggled...
Me: Your mother is rambling. She told your Dad she's talking to me but she's really talking AT ME. I have no idea what she's saying. I think it's her inner monologue. Something about you and I being together during your sister's wedding, which we weren't; something about you preparing for Florida even back then; something about you and your friend stopping smoking and a bachelor party; and something about two pictures stacked vertically on the wall.
Husband: Quick, come outside with me [code for him smoking], maybe we can reset her.
Note: This took place in June, 2010
Husband: So we have 2.75 lbs of burger browning and your recipe calls for .75 lbs. Have you adjusted your other ingredients?
Me: Not yet.
Hub: How many tablespoons are in a cup?
Me: I think four?
Hub: Fuck it, four it is! You need to add more flour.
** THREE MINUTES LATER **
Me: Oh god, this tastes really fucking floury.
Hub: Let me google this and see how many tablespoons of flour are in a cup. *clickyclackey-gogo-gadget-google* Oh, so it's SIXTEEN, not FOUR. That would explain a lot.
Me: OH GOD. It's ruined. Wait, get me the strainer!
** STRAINSTRAINSTRAIN - FLUSHING IT WITH WATER **
Me: Now what?
Hub: CINNAMON! SUGAR!
Me: BBQ SAUCE! WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE!
** MIXMIXMIX - TASTETASTETASTE **
Hub: Not terrible but it's missing something.
Me: What about honey mustard salad dressing?
Hub: Fuck it, we're creating a monster. Let's do it.
** DUMP - MIX **
Me: Oh, that's pretty tasty.
Hub: It's alive.... ALIVE!!!!
*** LATER... ***
Hub: It really is pretty damned amazing. We could never give the recipe out, unfortunately. I think people would be thrown off by...
"Step 4 - Add 10-12 tablespoons of flour."
"Step 5 - Freak the fuck out when you realize that you've just committed food homicide."
"Step 6 - Strain the horror show, flushing with water until the evidence of your crime has been washed away."
I had just finished burping...
It was very loud and unexpected (thanks to some soda).
Husband: I was thinking about a movie, some dinner, come home and cuddl—(BIG FAKE BURP)— or we can just strip down right here and play naked twister!
Then I doubled over laughing.